Abode of the Order. How long have I been here? I find it difficult to answer. Probably about 8 years old. The pastor found me when I was still a child during the war and brought me here. Why am I here? I won’t say either, maybe because I didn’t know any other life and spent my whole life in the monastery? I don’t know… I only know that today it’s my time for some kind of ritual. The pastor said that after him I would gain strength that would help me find answers. He likes to speak in riddles. I’m so tired of this old man. Unprepossessing in appearance, short in stature, slightly stooped due to hard work, with a bald head like a potato, but with a pleasant childish face, covered with a few wrinkles. In Nome, people who receive the title “pastor” have their names taken away, making them faceless – “Thousands are like one”! One is like thousands!" – their unspoken motto. It was a little different with our pastor – he gave up his name a long time ago, or maybe it never existed… Not an old man, but a complete mystery.
– You’re moping again? And aren’t you tired of always walking around with a sour face?” The pastor walked along the corridor of the courtyard, dressed in an everyday, long-faded red cloak with the hood down, smiling broadly.
– Oh, you’re the father. I’m a little worried about what kind of power I should get that you talked about?
“Wow, you called me father again,” he smiled even wider.
“Don’t shy away from answering,” Anum said, a little embarrassed.
– And this is what we’ll find out now, let’s go – the time has come..

I rose silently and followed my father. We walked for quite a long time: first we walked around the courtyard, in the center of which there was a beautiful garden and a small fountain, then we went out into the bedchambers of the order, where the servants were supposed to rest at that time, but the halls were completely empty, and the beds had been made in the morning. Having passed the bedchambers, we arrived in the main hall, in the center of which stood our shrine – the statue of the Supreme Master. A red carpet led to him from all the doors of the hall, but only on the parishioners’ side were benches. After the hall we went out into the outer courtyard and then into a small prayer room. However, imagine my surprise when during the prayer service the pastor moved the altar and opened a passage to the basement. There was absolutely nothing visible in the basement – you had to go by touch. Having walked some distance like this, I stopped feeling the presence of the pastor, but not thinking of anything better, I continued on my way. The stairs ended, I continued to walk, leaning on the walls, still nothing was visible, it seemed that I had been here for about a week, although 20 minutes had passed. I began to breathe heavily, it seemed as if the entire mass of the earth was pressing on me. But suddenly, the wall I was leaning on moved away. When I tried to walk further along the wall, I got the impression that I was starting to walk in circles. Suddenly a beam of light appeared in the center of the room, blinding me but illuminating the entire room. It was a small round room without any furniture, on the floor of which was the sign of our order. It was lined with red stones, glowing brightly bloody in the light of the beam. Suddenly I heard a voice in my head – “come out into the light”. I stood in the center of the beam and looked up..

Best comments

However, I don’t understand why there’s such a buhurt? I just decided to post it on the blog… that’s what they’re made for. And the fact that they insult you on these Internets of yours is not serious at all. It feels like I’ve messed with your soul… if so, then I’m sorry.

Guys, who are so overwhelmed by the duration, I’ll explain why it’s so short:

1) Everything was written in the format of a visual novel, where the main role is played by art.
2) This unfinished “work” was written a year and a half ago without any processing.
3) I posted much less than was written, because I wanted to see the reaction to each individual act.

P.S. however, for now I am not https://bettingsitesnogamstop.co.uk/review/spins-heaven/ able to correct anything for the validity of the story, because the diploma..

Beat with Mikhail Mitt’s book and the VGIK screenwriters’ textbook until you cough up blood. This is complete crap. You’re really stubborn to write such a script? Although, for – “we gathered in the seventh B to sculpt an imperishable masterpiece” your work will go.

Why are you posting this then?? You are a masochist, you like to be put down and insulted? You are now sitting and fap on the downvotes and angry comments?
Fuck it. Just fuck it. There is no adequacy here anymore and it is unlikely there will be.

Damp, very damp.
I haven’t read the rest of the acts, I only came across this one, so the specifics will be based on this “segment”.

First: decide on the format. Not a single act, chapter or action can take place so fleetingly if there are no prerequisites for this. And they are not here. The act begins with the hero’s reflections and he talks about these unfortunate 8 years. This is too little to feel the burden of time, you need to be more detailed and less mechanical, add colors in the end, or get rid of such moments altogether if you can’t feel the moment.

Secondly: work on your dialogues. Of course, here is a grain of your “skill”, but think about whether people can talk like that? In general. If you are describing a secret society where a certain ritual takes place, and even the hero lived in this place for so long, maybe you can focus on this? Make their conversation more familiar, everyday, because now it looks as if they meet at most for the third time and the hero is surprised at everything.

Thirdly: re-read the beginning of your second paragraph – it’s terrible. Why add this routine? Descriptiveness of actions is good, but only where it is appropriate. Here you have a lot of unnecessary things. Why describe the entire path with these fountains, gardens and halls?? They do not carry any load, and it is stupid to single them out as a detail, because they have nothing behind them. The only thing that can be understood from this is that this Order has a garden and so on. If these places are so important to you, then you either: A) add a more extensive landscape, “color” these locations, perhaps your hero loved to walk through these places and he liked them, this will make sense; B) put a plot emphasis on such places, maybe there will be some kind of meeting or important dialogue. Otherwise, it’s just a waste of words that wastes the reader’s time.

And in conclusion, always process and edit the text . It doesn’t matter whether it’s boring for you to do it or not, but this is perhaps one of the most basic rules of all writers, both beginners and seasoned ones. If you don’t have time to do it, put it aside, rest, throw it away for a week, and come back later with a windy head, re-read it and you’ll find the mistakes yourself. And pay more attention to the word, tautology is not the biggest problem, there are also problems with the logic of things.

Too short. There are taftalogies. There are missing punctuation marks. In the end it’s a total mess. Krch bullshit. Before writing anything else, read the main works of Russian classics so that you can develop a more or less normal written Russian language. So that you understand how to write, and only then try.

When I see the proud inscription “ACT”, and when I open the post, I see no more text than in reviews on Steam, I start to get a nervous tic. Listen, maybe you will spend more than five minutes writing the text? A?
Stsuko, use a three-act structure if you don’t know what to write about – the first chapter is a CHAPTER, NOT AN ACT, YOUR MOTHER – so let everything consist of a three-act structure – divide the book into a three-act structure, divide each chapter into a three-act structure, divide each event into a three-act structure – that is, the beginning, development and climax, mother of his yeti.
And now, you happily threw out the first act, and not the third – you have written the denouement, but forgot to write the development and climax. And because of the small volume, the reader remains completely dumbfounded, closes the post and leaves – because you didn’t attract his attention in any way. The first five pages should be so fucking awesome that the reader wants to read on. Attract him, turn him off from our real world and immerse him in yours. A bright antipode, a conflict situation, and maybe even a secret should immediately stand out. So that there is intrigue and the reader wonders what’s next?
YOU don’t write for yourself, you write for the reader. Constantly put him in his place and see if he is interested in reading your “brilliant nonsense” or not.
And laying out a small piece of a chapter in fragments is, of course, a brilliant move – early access in literature – a marketing bonus for this, but write a NORMAL FIRST CHAPTER. To understand what to expect from you. Although you won’t write anything normal right now. In a couple of years, if you develop, study, etc.d.
That’s it. And I’m lazy.

We must not try, but do. Start not with a novel, but with something simple. Stories. No more than 10 pages. Stuff your hand. It is advisable to read literature, both classics and textbooks for beginning graphomaniacs.

You need to learn to catch the rhythm, write easier. Avoid tautology. Maximize your speech variety. But don’t overload it. Need a sense of proportion. Reveal lore through actions and hints. The reader will build everything in his head. Characters should be interesting and different from each other. And the story must have an idea. Message. And also the positioning that this is banter, a serious thing, a deep path through which the author shares his insights about the world?
Literature is not a lot of money for you. Literature is KHUKHRY MUKHRY! Which ones you still need to grow to?. Vot.